Wednesday, June 5, 2013

...then he shot himself

Imagine being 19 again…

There was a guy, considerably older than I was, who was stalking me. The term “stalking” wasn’t used back then. But that is certainly what it was. We worked together in the military. I was military police and he was an investigator. He followed me around where I worked. Every single day. I felt like I was under surveillance. He would send me a bouquet of roses almost every day.
One night about midnight, he came to the guard shack I was working and started chatting with me. At one point, he just said “I love you and can’t live without you” and pulled out his gun and shot himself right in front of me.
Everything seemed to move in slow motion after that point. He slumped over the steering wheel of the cobalt blue sedan. I could see the bloody exit wound on his back. His right arm was limply splayed over the center console. Blood was splattered everywhere. When the bullet exited his back it pierced the upholstery of the drivers seat, right at a stitched seam.
This really messed me up as you can imagine. I was actually under investigation for the shooting, because of bizarre circumstances that surrounded the incident. He did live. It took years to heal from this attempted suicide that happened in front of my eyes.
Fast forward to many years later. There was a young girl at youth group, who was going through some very difficult times and wasn’t talking about what was wrong. Finally one night on the phone I cornered her and told her she had to tell what was going on.
She said “I can’t tell, no one could understand. Have you every seen someone try to commit suicide?””
Well, I could truthfully answer, “Yes I have, let’s talk about it”.
No human mind could have ever foreseen that conversation. Only God In His infinite wisdom, knew the truth.
So, who am I? Just another face you see everyday.

"Every adversity, every failure, every heartache carries with it 
the seed of an equal or greater benefit."


  1. I have had things happen to me most people can't wrap their head around, because to them, it's something that happens to to 'others' and something they will never have to deal with. I like your sentence, "
    So, who am I? Just another face you see everyday. ", I feel like that every day.
    I also had something happen to me, that I made me relive my experiences from the past. It sucked at the time, but in the end, it made me realize, maybe my past happened to me because I was supposed to be here to help people through this point.

    1. Tanya,
      I just read your response. I pray that you see this. I will be praying for you.